The End of the Bell Jar

In chapter 19 Joan leaves Belsize to go live with a nurse at Cambridge. Esther is scheduled to leave the asylum in a few months but however finds herself envious of Joan's departure. One day while Esther is out on the town she meets a man named Irwin. He so happens to be a math professor. The tow soon go out for coffee and then they return to Irwin's to have a nice pint of beer. Esther and irwin then go out for dinner that night and she gets permission from Dr. Nolan to stay at Joan's apartment at Cambridge. After the two have dinner they return to his apartment where the deflowering begins. Esther has the urge to sleep with this man becasue it's the first normal and descent man she has met in a while and she finally feels normal again. She says in the book, " I had been defending it for five years and i was sick of it." She is talking about her virginity and she feels as if it is just weighing her down so as soon as she does have sex everything will change and be better. After the two have sex irwin goes to take a shower while Esther feels like a liquid is seeping out of her. She discovers that it is blood and once she doesn't stop bleeding irwin drives her to the hospital. So to say the least i don't think it was a very enjoyable experience for Esther. She didn't have this great revelation like she thought she was going to and to her it hurt. Later on in chapter 20 irwin asks if she will see him again and she replies by saying never so I don't think that night is what she had in mind.